Fighting Couple: The Last Laugh

article image
ILLUSTRATION: MOTHER EARTH NEWS STAFF
Three days in the hoosegow was all one fighting couple needed to settle their differences.

“Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, ‘n’ scratch where it itches.”–Southern Saying

 

Well sir, them hot, parched days of summer is here agin … and, as you kin imagine, people’s temp’ryment tends to git a little on the techy side with the weather bein’ so all-fired disagreeable. So it come as no surprise thet–after 33 consecutive days of three-digit heat, with nary a cloud on the horizon–August and Olive Carmichael (fighting couple what cain’t hardly keep the peace under the best of conditions) got tangled up in another one of their long-term altercations. Some folks say the feud busted out ’cause Olive got irritated at the faint crinklin’ noise August’s tobacco pouch makes when he stuffs his pipe. Others claim August were set off by the way Olive fergot to shet the screen door when she run out to shoo the hogs outa the garden. But howev’r the fracas started, Mister and Miz Carmichael hopped on each other faster’n debts on paychecks.

‘Twern’t long afore they was launchin’ plates, tools, flour sacks, an’ house pets at each other. It were hot, though, an’ after a mere eight hours of wranglin’, August an’ Olive both had to set down an’ admit thet–considerin’ the weather–they’d best not waste what little energy they had.

So followin’ a fair passel of negotiatin’ (what threatened to bust out inta open warfare on enny number of occasions), they decided to keep livin’ in the same house. They did, howev’r, also swear to quit talkin’ to each other … never to use a blessed thing t’other laid a hand on … an’ even to pick vegetables outa diff’rent sides of the garden. An’ bearin’ in mind the previous state of their affairs, most folks in the Crossin’ figgered thet the silent co-separation they’d worked out were a downright passable livin’ arrangement.

  • Published on Jul 1, 1981
Online Store Logo
Need Help? Call 1-800-234-3368